A new visitor

This person tapped me on the shoulder on Tuesday evening, and the following day I tried to capture his essence (as it where) in my sketchbook.

Although it doesn’t look like it, my gut feeling tells me he’s a Yew. Red has a Yew vibe about her too. Hopefully, I will have the chance to investigate this over the weekend.

My Shrine (Jan 2009)

As a neo-pagan totemist and aspiring contemporary shamanist, I feel that it is important to dedicate a space in my home for the honour of the spirits who work with me, inspire me and drive my passion for the natural world.

So for your viewing pleasure, here is the current layout of my shrine.

Left side: Didgeridoo (which I do not know how to play), an antique fox tail, a maneki neko, replica coyote skull, polar bear figurine, badger figurine and replica brown bear claw necklace.

Centre top: Portrait of a Maned Wolf (my primary totem and the animal I identify as), my anger jar and my happy jar.

Centre bottom: Tea cup (where I place financial offerings), piece of a Monkey Puzzle, a Pine Cone, a Grove Snail shell, stones (one from inside a potted plant pot, one from some train tracks, and one from the beach at Ardrossan), Wood Pigeon wings, Pigeon offering pouch, blue stones in a jar, and a Leopard sweater guard.

Right side: Roe Deer antlers, Red Deer antlers, Goat figurine and a White-tailed Deer pendant.

My shrine isn’t to/for any one entity in particular, but it functions as a home for gifts with meaning, a place of celebration and a beacon – indicating my home is a place of safety to spirits who cause no harm to me and mine. It isn’t fixed, items come and go from it, but I feel it is a reflection of who I am and where I’m going.

Visiting the Cliff Spirit

My partner and I had another attempt at taking a stroll around the Brucehill Cliffs, this time taking the long path around the shore of the River Clyde.

I have lost track of how long the snow has been lying for. What I can tell you is that it is colder, and lasting longer than my living memory. Which admittedly isn’t that long.

I find long walks like this very humbling – there is so much I don’t know about the world on my doorstep. Heck, I couldn’t even identify the birds by their song! But the song was there. We both stopped now and again, just to listen.

Visiting the Cliff Spirit

On top of the Brucehill Cliffs - 03/01/10

Yesterday, my other half and I tried to take a stroll around the foot of the Brucehill Cliffs. It was a gloriously crisp and frosty afternoon, perfect for rambling. But we were thwarted. There is only one access point down the Cliff face , and it was dangerously iced over.

We spent some time walking back and forth along the Cliff’s back.

I will need to write about the Cliff properly at some point. But not just now. Over the winter, I feel I have lost my connection to him.

The Urban Animal

I am in the process of re-tagging some of my spiritual posts on my LiveJournal, and I came across this post from January 2009:

“Being an urbanimal is about being an animal person in a practical, real-world way. It’s about getting off your backside to make changes in the real world to benefit the animals you commune with. Practical totemism, rather than magical/spiritual totemism. It’s about admiring pigeons for adopting buildings as cliff faces. It’s about feeling the rhythm of the crowds marching though the city centre during the sales. It’s about seeing a daisy growing in a crack on the kerb, and realising that everything passes, progresses and moves on. And nature exists even in the darkest, piss-stained allyway. The buildings, statues and street furniture have seen it all, and will share their tales if given the chance. It’s about being a capitalist, gaming, internet addicted geek, who sees a sacredness in everything, even hir PC.”

I just thought I’d share it, mostly for my own benefit as I feel I am losing focus.

Totem Animals: Herring Gull

Last night, I decided to do a gentle bit of pathworking. I eased myself into it by visualising and “feeling” the act of getting dressed and going out. As I felt myself coming away from my physical body a bit (which was lying down in bed), I decided to go outside into my garden.

Across the road, on the grass, there was a large Herring Gull stomping on the damp ground, drawing worms to the surface. I approached hir, and sie charged at me screaming to stay back. Sie was angry because loads of her children had been killed by us this year – my local council have been clearing eggs from their nesting sites again, including my own roof!

I was feeling intimidated, but remembered my last encounter with Herring Gull, and shifted my shape a little so my wings were visible, and began shouting back. It wasn’t my fault. Sie doesn’t like being tarred as a thug and a vandal, and neither do I. There was a pause, and I asked if sie would allow me to learn from hir. Resentfully, sie agreed.

I think my first lesson here was about aggression. Herring Gulls are a very confrontational species, and their social hierachy is based on brute strength with an attitude to match. If I am going to get anywhere on this journey, I need to be far more forceful.

I invited Herring Gull into my garden, and the two of us sat at the top of the steps and chatted. I cannot remember the exact details, but sie expressed hir lack of understanding of us humans. Sie didn’t understand why we touched, spoke softly and were quiet in our interactions. I told hir I didn’t understand how they couldn’t use touch to build bonds, had to scream everything and acted like brutes.

To be fair, quite a few people around here use misplaced aggression!

I asked if sie would allow me to shift into a Herring Gull form, and sie agreed. I find bird-forms tricky – having wings instead of arms is a real challenge, and having my sight altered makes me want to vomit so I had to focus hard to keep my vision human.

My first stop was just to the end of my road, where there is a takeaway regularly visited by gulls. I flew down, feeling the breezes beneath my vast wings and rested on the roof of the building, overlooking the front of the shop. There were two carrion crows fighting over a bag of chips dropped in the street. I found it odd that I couldn’t “smell” them – I love the smell/taste of chips – but I went for them anyway, food is food.

Wings spread, I screamed and shouted and chased those bastard crows away. Bloody crows could eat elsewhere. Eating was horrible – throwing my head back and chugging. No taste and no teeth, I take both for granted. Not long after, Herring Gull flew down beside me, and chased me from the bag. This was hir spot, and I could eat when I got home.

Territory, and rights to resources, are important to Herring Gull. They aren’t co-operative, and need to be selfish in ways that I find difficult to comprehend in my cushy life. I’m grateful that I live in a place where I don’t have to fight tooth and nail just to eat.

Herring Gull told me to go exploring. So I flew West, towards the town centre.

Crossing the river, I spied a young Gull stranded on a boat between the two banks. I flew down and spoke with the kid.

He told me that he had been nesting of the roof of the high rise by the river, and decided today was the day he’s fly. Using the currents, he clumsily flew down, and made it to the safety of the boat. But now he wasn’t sure what to do. He was scared, but realised that he couldn’t stay in his nest much longer, the time had come to move on. His wings would take him where he wanted to go when the time was right.

Seizing opportunity and taking chances are important qualities in Herring Gull, a reflection/extension of their dominating and aggressive personalities.

From here, I don’t remember much more. I flew across town, and stopped on the rooftops to watch the Gulls go about their business.

I do remember returning home, and thanking Herring Gull for the chance to learn. I asked if I could speak with hir again, and reluctantly sie said yes.

Then I fell asleep!

Animal Totems: Feral Pigeon

The Feral Pigeon is often overlooked as a totem, yet sie carries a lot of powerful energy that is relevant to those of us who share hir urban environment.

The Feral Pigeon originally came from domesticated Rock Dove, but they escaped domesticity and became wild once more. Pigeon is symbolic of the feral spirit that lies dormant with in us, and we can tap into that spirit if need be. We came from the wild, yet now are cut off from it by modern life. Take the opportunity to be yourself!

Adaptability and survivability are embodied in Pigeon. The Rock Dove’s natural habitats are cliff faces, the Pigeon uses our man-made buildings as an analogue. Our sprawling cities are ripe for the picking. And no matter how many culls and other anti-pigeon strategies we throw at these birds, the Pigeon carries on. Pigeon is an integral part of our urban lands, whether we like it or not.

Pigeon as an optimistic entity. In spite of what the world throws at hir, sie cheerfully goes on about hir business. Pigeon holds no animosity against the world – sie is still symbolising tolerance, love and compassion. Pigeons will accept outsiders into their flock for protection, and they pair up for life.

Pigeon is historically associated with the home and with pathfinding. Sie has incredible eyesight and, combined with hir awesome navigational abilities and visual memory, Pigeon can always find hir way home. Perhaps if you are feeling lost in an aspect of your life, you may consider approaching Pigeon.

No urban animal is vilified quite as much as Pigeon. Ordinarily compassionate people will ignorantly declare that pigeons are “disease-ridden vermin”. This isn’t true. The risk of catching a disease from a bird is so small, it isn’t worth considering. The myth is manufactured by the pest control industry to keep them in business. This teaches us that we should believe everything we hear, and should practice compassion even in cases where we naturally don’t.

Pigeon is a gentle underdog, looking for a place to call home.

Feral Pigeon @ Wikipedia – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feral_pigeon
Do birds spread diseases? – http://www.picasuk.com/do_birds_spread_diseases.html

Animal Totems: Bear Week

In June, I had decided to take a break from active spiritual work. But as I am a proverbial open house, it wasn’t long before I was being tapped on the shoulder by a totem.

It was Brown Bear. I was determined to make the most of my break, but I told him I would work with him come July.

My interactions with Bear were different from my interactions with other totems. The main difference was that I couldn’t “journey” to visit him. Instead, I had to go to a place in the real world to speak with him.

My first visit to him was a challenge.

Here is my related entry from LiveJournal:

I was stopped twice on my path to the Cliffs.

The first time, an enormous Herring Gull blocked my path. Screaming, and with his wings spread he charged at me. After getting a massive fright and being startled backwards, I gathered my thoughts and decided to ask him what the problem was. He continued screaming – apparently I hadn’t been giving him the time he deserved (I have been trying to work with Gull for a few months now, but I just can’t get a feel for him) and that I was ignoring him.

I’ll be damned if I am going to stand for that. So using my cunning (lol), I decided to fight fire with fire. I focused on Pigeon and the gift of wings she gave me, I felt them grow from my shoulder blades, spread out to their full size … and I charged right back at Gull, screaming at him, telling him that if he wants to work with me, he needs to stop being an arrogant asshat and let me in. Why should I do all the work for little reward? Building a relationship takes two.

Saying nothing, Gull backed off and let me pass.

Nearing the Cliffs, I became aware of eyes staring at me from all around, and at the end of the path there was a mass of rabbits, acting as one and representing Rabbit. I asked him to let me pass and he said no. I wasn’t allowed to make Bear welcome here, Rabbit’s children have it easy here, and no more predators are allowed to threaten his children.

I told him that it wasn’t my choice to make, but Bear’s children would not be returning here anytime soon although Bear does want his presence felt on the land once more. I asked Rabbit to accompany me, and he could speak with Bear himself. Rabbit did not like that one bit, I could tell, but he couldn’t really back out of it, could he?

So myself, and a carpet of rabbits made our way to meet Bear.

Confused, Bear asked me what was going on. The rabbits shifted uncomfortably as I explained that Rabbit didn’t want him here. Raging, Bear charged the rabbits and told Rabbit that he was making a home here, and when his children arrive, he’d better watch out! They ran, and Rabbit was shaken.

I used to be scared of Rabbit, but not anymore. He’s just a bully, and relies on numbers to intimidate.

I asked Bear why he chose an aggressive tactic over a peaceful one. He replied simply “Because I have a reputation to maintain”. Why would anybody want that kind of reputation? Bears, from my research, seem to be quite peaceful animals who mind their own business on their search for food and shelter. They do seem to like their solitude. Perhaps this show of aggression is to create a barrier so people won’t bother him? I think this is something I do.

I talked to Bear about some of the Celtic mythology I picked up about bears – mostly that they are protectors, and help with journeys to the Otherworld. He laughed and said that isn’t quite true, but when I learn to shapeshift as him, I can tap into that energy to secure myself, to feel a bit more confident and to shield my energy a bit so I don’t get so drained.

I had a lot to think about here.

My second experience with Bear focused on his source of Power. In my practice, I feel that each totem has a body part that is representative of their strengths.

For Maned Wolf, she has a really powerful third eye.

For Feral Pigeon, hir wings grant her strength.

For Saanen Goat, the power lies in his horns.

And for Brown Bear, his power stems from his paws and claws.

I asked Bear about this, and he took me on a walk through the woods. His paws carried him where he needed to go, they allowed him to access food sources (tearing bark, shifting logs, digging roots and intimidating other predators away from their kills) and they allowed him to defend himself and his children (he told me about the insane strength a female bear can draw upon to defend her cubs).

When I try to shapeshift as Bear, it is the paws I feel first and the strongest. They are a source of security for me.

From here, things started to get quite bad for me. Since my “journeying” break, I had been unable to go and visit the Otherworlds and due to a series of real-life issues, I was exposed to very dark and horrible experiences whilst being isolated from the people I usually ask for help.

I was totally alone, and had to spend a good few weeks fighting some of my inner demons. I’m sorry for not going into details, but I’d rather not discuss any of it on a public forum.

Bear is a harsh teacher. I asked him how he handles being alone in dealing with life, and his answer was “I am a bear”.

Such a simple answer, with so much in it. Being solitary is second nature to him. Do I need to learn to be more like Bear? Or do I need to accept that I am a social animal, and learn to feel connected all the time? Personally, I am drawn to the former. I can’t be connected all the time. The world is too noisy, I’d go insane. I need to willingly disconnect, and also handle when someone else makes the choice to disconnect me.

From here, I am learning to be more like Bear. To be comfortable with myself and who I am. I have started working with different aspects of my personality, which has developed into an internal eco-system. All of these aspects grow from my core being. I’m breaking myself down to see what I am made of, and to see my strengths and weaknesses. It’s challenging work, and like my “journeying” I am learning as I go along. But I have a bit more respect and love for myself.

I feel that Bear’s lessons are an extension of Sheep’s lessons. I have never been so aware of my dependency on other people. It’s not a bad thing, humans are social animals after all. But I need to realise that I too am a strong person, and I do have the resources I need to look after myself. I just have to find them.

Bear has been a very hands-off teacher, and I found this really upsetting at first. I have a low opinion of myself, and see myself as weak and useless a lot of the time. But not anymore. I’m flawed, and broken, but I am all the person I need to be. And I thank Bear for helping me to realise that.

Bear Week started on the 1st July, yet it is still ongoing. I am still trying to get my head around all of this, and hope to write a clearer summary soon.

Technique: Using breath to transfer energy

I would like to thank Ravenari for sharing advice on her technique, and the Energy Civets for helping me practice.

I would also like to say that the chances of this technique actually being new/unique is very slim!

• Introduction

Breathing is an amazing thing. According to the programme Brainiac, 90% of the human body’s energy comes from the oxygen we breathe in. If that is true, how incredible is breathing? Yet it is something that we do automatically, so we are rarely aware of it.

In several cultures (none of which I can name just now!), breathing is a sacred act and can be used for controlling moods and altering energy states. Here is my technique for using breath to transfer energy between the body and the rest of the world.

My technique hinges on the idea that there is a chamber, a half-way house of sorts, that lies between the body and the world. Energy is taken here first, and allowed to build up before trying to move it into or out of the body. For me, this chamber is right at the top of my chest, sitting above my heart.

Another thing that is important for me is that no matter where on the body/chest you are focusing, you use all of your lung capacity – don’t limit your breath! Use visualisation to place the energy where it needs to go.

• Taking energy into the body…

Get yourself comfortable and spend a few moments becoming aware of your breath. Breathe as deeply as comfortable.

Visualise/get a feeling for the energy you wish to take into your body. Honestly, take time to really see/feel what it is you are trying to absorb.

When you exhale, visualise/feel hands forming from your breath, reaching out and taking a hold of the energy you want.

When you inhale, visualise/feel the hands pulling the energy into your mouth, and into the chamber sitting above your heart.

Repeat these two steps until you feel the energy you require sitting inside the chamber. Take a few moments to get a feel for this energy, and make sure it is okay for you to continue.

From here, exhale and visualise/feel those hand from earlier take a hold of the energy in the chamber.

When you exhale, visualise/feel the hands pulling the energy to the place where it needs to go. (Unless specified, I usually take energy to the space in my stomach between my orange and yellow chakras).

Repeat these two steps until you feel the energy is a part of you.

Take some time to become aware of your body and the world around you before moving off.

• Taking energy out of the body…

Basically, the technique is the same as above, but in reverse.

When inhaling, see/feel the arms around the energy you wish to remove.

When exhaling, see/feel the arms bringing the energy into your chamber above your heart, and later to the world outside.

• Transferring energy between two people/items without absorbing it…

Again, the technique is similar, except you only ever take the energy into the chamber above your heart.

Take the energy into your chamber by exhaling, and visualising/feeling the hands around the energy you wish to move. When exhaling, just see/feel the empty hands going back to the energy.

Sit with the energy in your chamber for a while, to make sure everything is okay.

When moving the energy back out of your chamber, inhale to let the hands get a hold of the energy and when exhaling allow the hands to take the energy where you wish for it to go.

In this case, if the energy isn’t intended for you, it is important not to let it into your body – always keep it in the chamber above your heart! (Thanks for this crucial tip, Ravenari!)

• Conclusion

Oh, I hope my explanation is clear!

At the moment, I use this technique to store excess energy in “Energy Jars” and then recover this energy as and when I need it. I am hoping to use this technique for handling soul fragments.

If you use this technique, I would be interested in hearing what uses you have for it.

Spirits: The Energy Civets

At this time, I have an incredibly low energy level. After asking my friend Red for advice, she introduced me to her allies the Energy Civets.

The Civets are palm-sized animals that live in the forest. As they climb about the trees, eating the invasive parasites that live in their bark and on their leaves, the trees release small amounts of energy. This energy gathers up between the toes of the Civets and once in a while they pick it out and store it in a pouch in their belly.

The Civets are a natural silver-grey colour, but as their pouches fill they radiate the blue energy they gather.

The energy is later stored in jars hanging from the branches of a dead tree, central to their home forest. They know how precious it is, and guard it fiercely. Only the Civets can approach the tree.

Another important thing to know about the Civets is that they have a collective conscious – if you speak with one, you speak with them all.

I have entered into trade with the Civets – I exchange shiny blue objects for jars of energy. And I am very grateful to them for this.